


I'M DOWN

by kyloswarstars



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Love, Motorbike, Star Wars - Freeform, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22575751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyloswarstars/pseuds/kyloswarstars
Summary: The Hanna City Police Department formed a bike club as a last opportunity to stop the many fatal accidents being caused by illegal bike races. Reader is being forced on a bike again - but slowly starts to enjoy the adrenaline and her victories.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Kudos: 11





	I'M DOWN

Nothing could be responsible for giving you so many emotions at one time than the sickening scent of burnt rubber. Sometimes, the memories hit you like a truck, when a dumb biker spun his wheels on the road and just left the putrid fumes behind.

You had learned to push back those memories when you weren’t able to deal with them at that very moment. You were used to it by now. But sometimes, it didn’t work. Sometimes, all those memories returned at once and then your brain dwelled on the bad things, but they were outweighed by the good parts. Burnt rubber was connected to all the adventurous days and all the adrenaline rushes: to road trips on the bike that never seemed to end. But it was also, and will be forever – wether you wanted it to be or not – connected to the day that changed your whole life. Back then it _had_ been your whole life. People learn to live with bad stuff that happens, so you did too. You had to.

**/////**

_You hadn’t known until you arrived there. No one had._

_Upon stepping foot outside of the truck, everything inside your body shuffled to provide you with full concentration. Your eyes focused so sharply, that when you returned home after your shift you’d have a headache from it. It nearly felt like being in a tunnel. The only thing to do in a tunnel was to get out on the other side. And getting out on the other side was the metaphor for saving someone’s life._

_Accidents were horrible. They were graceless and blunt. Nothing could snap someone back into reality faster than an accident._

_You didn’t know. You didn’t even notice._

_You focused on pressing your palms into the chest of one of the crash victims as your paramedic colleagues did the same for the other victim. You had to ignore the cuts on the face and upper body and keep on pushing down the chest again and again._

_Relentlessly fighting for someone’s life never would or could never turn into a daily occurrence. It was different every time. It was exhausting and frightening and often it didn’t end with saving that life. Most times there was nothing you could do anymore._

_You realised something wasn’t right when your colleague took over the life support for you and an officer and another paramedic approached you._

_The officer held a wallet in his hand._

_The paramedic, a man who had worked with you since you started a few years ago, blocked your view of the other crash victim._

_The officer opened the wallet and showed you a photo._

_It was your photograph._

_It was you._

_Smiling into the camera._

_Smiling at_ him.

_Smiling because it had been a great day of lame jokes and doing nothing in particular._

_Smiling because you had been so deeply in love. With_ him.

**/////**

The blistering sun beamed on your leather attire. It wasn’t summer yet, but the sun’s rays beat down like it wanted to melt the flesh off of your bones. And it did. Almost. „I should’ve never agreed to this bullshit, Dameron.“

Poe, your partner, descended from his bike and took off his helmet. „Did you even agree? It sounded more like an order Captain Ackbar gave us. At least in my ears.“

You eyed him through your visor. He was right. No member of the new special force had a say in whether they wanted to be a part of this or not. Captain Ackbar had told anyone who could ride a motorbike to be a part of it and to fulfil their duty. For months, the rivals and races between those bike clubs had caused too many accidents with a bad ending – and no one could stop it. The Hanna City Police Department had tried to by adding a higher concentration of traffic checks, but that didn’t do anything to reduce the accident rate.

It was your second day out on the streets with Poe. After six years of not even touching a bike, it was strange to ride one again.

„You okay?“ Poe tried to stare through your dark visor. He knew about your past; he knew everything.

He shouldn’t have asked this. It made your nervous mood only more prominent. „Yeah.“ You let go of the handlebars and took off your helmet as well. Your sweat-soaked hair stuck to your neck – one thing you absolutely didn’t miss about riding a bike. „It’s just… I gave up the ambulance service to go to police school. I didn’t strive for a big career, just writing tickets for speeders, you know?” Poe had that look in his eyes. Before he could answer, you gave him a final reassurance that you were okay. „I just didn’t think someone could force me on a bike again. That’s all.“

He nodded.

A few minutes later the other undercover cops arrived at your ‚bike club’s‘ meeting point. Captain Ackbar had been so inventive with the bike club name, every one of you had a bold ‚The Resistance‘ stitched onto the back of the leather jacket. It was absolutely unsuspicious of course – no one had listened to you when you told them that the name was a terrible idea.

That’s why you kept your mouth shut during all those biker meetings as well. You obeyed the orders and did your job. You just hoped you could soon return to being the mean ticket devil for all the parking offenders and highway speeders.

Poe and you were sent downtown, where in the middle of the night, almost in the early morning, the ‚Knights’ were most likely to race members of other bike clubs.

Ackbar commanded you, out of all people, to observe the races that happened downtown, with the additional, unofficial order to take part if needed to get more information.

You couldn’t lie to yourself: being back on a bike was thrilling. The raw power when you tortured the machine up – way over the speed limit – brought back even more good memories. But they were gone as soon as the smell of your own burnt tires made their way through your helmet.

The neon signs along the main street of Hanna City laid colourful spots over the asphalt. Poe and you revved up your engines to attract attention to the possible bikers around. You stopped at an open square to make sure they would find you.

It didn’t take long until the first bikers appeared. Theirs helmets turned to your direction as they tried to observe you in the mere seconds they had while they drove by. But no one stopped. No one drove closer or even made an attempt to break and come over.

„I’m not sure what Ackbar thought would happen. A completely new bike club, no one has ever heard of, would get close enough to them to collect information and take all of them down?“ Poe was frustrated. He had opened his visor to look at you with his for-real-face.

You shrugged. „Something like that, yeah.“ You were frustrated as well. First, you would rather resign your job at the police department completely instead of swinging yourself onto a motorbike again. But then you talked to your therapist about it. You still saw her twice a month. She reminded you that you went to police school because you wanted to prevent accidents from happening. Getting back on a bike could maybe make a difference. After that, you could return to your car with Poe and track down speeders.

„I’m craving some donuts now, Y/N.“ You rolled your eyes at him, and even though he couldn’t see it, he knew it. „After work, I know.“

You were just about to open your visor as well when you heard a bike coming closer and stopping a few feet away from you. The rider seemed to be a man, lacking female curves. He looked at Poe and you, not giving any indication of what he wanted at first, but then he revved his engine and made it clear that he wanted to race one of you.

Poe’s glance offered a thousand different expressions. You could see how your whole backstory ran through his mind. Sorrow was the feeling that stayed in the end because you had already made yourself ready to take part in your first illegal bike race.

You left your partner behind and followed the other biker onto the street. His piercing red bike wasn’t what caught your attention – it was the huge K stitched into his jacket. He was a Knight.

The Knights were a part of the bigger bike club ‚First Order‘. You didn’t know exactly why they called themselves the Knights. No one knew. They were the group the police had the least information about.

You almost didn’t notice how his voice shouted through his helmet that you’d start at the next block and whoever was one block ahead of the other won.

Simple rules, you already knew that. Though, he didn’t say anything about the prize money, so you asked him, shouting through your helmet as well.

„A newcomer can’t race for money. You need to win. If you lose you’re out before you’ve even been in.“

Well, that was pretty explicit.

You slowly drove to the next block and then came to a halt. Right now, there were only the two of you on the street, but you didn’t know how long it would stay that way. Out of nowhere, another biker appeared and stopped in front of you. He had a flag in his hand.

They didn’t explain anything else so you waited for him to raise his arm.

Your hands almost hurt from gripping the handlebars so firmly and you felt yourself getting sucked into that tunnel again. The concentration was completely on that scrap of cloth.

When it left his hand, your reactions were so quick to bring your bike forward that you quickly rose above the speed limit without thinking. The pure strength of the engine under you and the headwind made those nervous jitters of being on the bike again dissipate. It was something you had missed. It cleared out your thoughts and just left excitement.

You didn’t know if the police department had provided you with a better motorbike than a Knight would have, or if you simply hadn’t forgotten a single thing, but you slowly extended the distance between you and him. With every second, the Knight got smaller in your rearview mirror. You knew a lot depended on your victory, but that didn’t frighten you; it encouraged you to push forward more. And by the time you got nervous again due to a car turning onto the road a few intersections ahead, you were more than a block ahead – that meant you had won. You slowed down again and rolled over to the curb.

The Knight pulled up next to you and opened his visor. Some slightly surprised eyes scrutinized you. „I didn’t think the Resistance was worth a race.“

„Seems like you got taught otherwise.“ You didn’t open your visor like he did. You didn’t want to give your identity away. „What now?“

„We’ll find you for your real first race.“ The expression in his eyes switched, for a moment, to something indescribable. To something devious. Then he disappeared with the thundering revving of his engine.

**/////**

Poe got his donut at the end of your shift. He always got them. Just because you changed your vehicle didn’t mean you wouldn’t end shifts at your favourite place. No one waited for you to return home. Your best friend didn’t have a special someone, and you had lost yours years ago. Sometimes you two joked about why you hadn’t moved in together yet. You worked the same shifts; you could split all the chores and costs. But that never happened. You knew Poe too well: not a thing on this planet could make you live with him.

**/////**

It took two weeks, and a race every night, for you to finally get invited to a special event.

Hanna City had closed down the old airport a decade ago and built a new one. Poe and you were informed that the Knights were doing races with extremely high prize money over there. So that was where you two headed way past midnight.

Since Captain Ackbar made all of you work the night shifts, your rhythm had changed completely. You woke up at eight in the evening and went to bed at ten in the morning. At first, you were stressed out so much because you had to adjust to your new rhythm: your grocery shopping, your hobbies and your weekly sibling visits. Now, you kinda preferred it this way. You didn’t have to deal with all the people throughout the day. Still, you missed writing tickets with Poe and singing in the car to the crappy radio music.

When you arrived at the old airport there were only a dozen bikes. Half of them were Knights, and the other ones were either ordinary First Order members, or members of the ‚HCBC – Hanna City Bike Club‘.

Due to taking part in a race every night for the last couple of weeks, you could tell apart most of the Knights. Even though all of them had those piercing red bikes, they each had different jackets. Everyone had a ‚K‘ on it but in completely different styles. Somehow it fit because all of them rode totally different.

„Do you think Ackbar gave us enough money?“

„No.“ What you saw in front of you was racing for a lot more than the police department could ever provide you with. You explained to Poe that money wasn’t the only thing those people were racing for. They raced for favors. Over here, the only bikers allowed were those willing to risk more than money. It had been your luck that they showed so much interest in competing with you. You just hoped it would pay out in the end and that you could put them all under arrest.

„I can’t wait for my donut, but I think it will be pretty long until I’ll get it.“

Out of the corner of your eyes, you had observing the Knights since you arrived at the airport. „Maybe it won’t take _that_ long.“ The Knight you competed in your very first race with, made himself ready, got on his bike, and slowly came over.

You were sure his patience was starting to wear thin. Every time he saw you at night, he provoked you in some way try to get you to drop your helmet. He wanted to know who you were. You didn’t understand why he was so persistent, but that only made you refuse to open your visor or take your helmet off even more.

„Ready to owe me a favor?“

„You wish.“

The previous races had been too exciting for your own good. You had risked a lot and did exactly what you were supposed to for this special force. But here at the old airport there were no civilians so you could concentrate solely on winning that race.

The Knight, you called him ‚One‘ in your head, and you made it to the start line. A guy on a bike raised a flag again. When he dropped it, both of you shot forward like arrows that had been let loose from a bow.

Here the distance of a block didn’t mark who won; a finish line was the end. It was hard to get ahead of him, but you managed to get everything out of the engine and bring some feet between the two of you.

Close to the finish line, you internally cheered because you could use your favor to get some information the police department needed. You were not expecting to get distracted by some blinking, red neon lights. They moved around, irritating you to the point where you had to slow down and didn’t make it to the finish line before One.

You slammed your brakes and took a sharp curve to glare at that distracting light from inside your helmet.

The lights moved around, slowly. They came closer.

The darkness made it hard to see that the lights were attached to a pitch black bike. You wouldn’t be able to see the bike at all if it wasn’t for the neon lights.

Until now, you thought he was a myth. No one had talked about him. All you knew about him came to be through whispered rumours. However, the figure on this bike could only be the mystery that surrounded the leader of the Knights.

He wore the most bizarre helmet you had ever seen. You weren’t sure if it met all the security standards because it’s shape was so odd, and it took you a while to see that it actually had a visor. The curved, silver lines above it reflected the red lights, making it look like the helmet had neon lights itself.

All of that had attracted your attention before your glance met those arms, once he got closer. For what ever reason he had, he wore black biker clothes but not a jacket like any other Knight. He just wore a tank top to show off his completely in tattoos covered arms. And his strongly defined muscles.

For a moment you contemplated busting him just for not driving in proper gear. He could hurt himself incredibly bad. Maybe it was a strange way of showing off what he got or he was simply suicidal.

„You owe me a favor.“ One brought you back to reality and made you turn back to him.

„Yeah, I think so.“ Defeated, you turned off the engine.

„Take off your helmet.“

For real? He used his favor for that? You didn’t really want to, but you also didn’t have another option. You unbuckled the clasp and took it off. One did the same; and it was the first time you actually met face to face.

„It’s nice to put a face to that powerful biker.“ He actually reacted pretty friendly. You couldn’t say you weren’t surprised – your expectation had been a really fierce guy, but his expression was far from that.

You felt accepted and welcomed. Maybe what you thought was provocation was just curiosity. „Why did you want me to take my helmet off so bad?“

One chuckled. „I didn’t. Ren did.“ He nodded in your direction, behind you, to a bike you heard coming closer and stopping right next to you. The blinking red lights gave away that it was the same strange guy with the awesome arms that had distracted you long enough to make you lose here.

No cheeky remarks and no cutting off – you didn’t get a single word out. You swallowed when he reached out with his long fingers to activate a mechanism that parted the helmet so that he could take it off. Some thick, dark wavy hair bounced out of it. It was challenging to look at him; you felt like he could sense what you were thinking. And you shouldn’t think what you thought. This here wasn’t for enjoyment, it was your work.

It was hard to look at him but even harder to look away. You _couldn’t_ look away. Unable to see the color of his eyes, you were drawn into them. They had so much depth you felt yourself being pulled into the tunnel again. Your concentration was dedicated to this guy and his eyes.

„It’s rare that a newcomer wins as many races as you did.“

„Rare, but not impossible I guess.“ Being able to speak again gave you a little more confidence.

He nodded. „Why is someone, part of a never heard of bike club, willing to risk that much in races like that?“

Because you didn’t want them to happen at all wasn’t something you could give as an answer. It was strange, in general, that you had to participate in the illegal races you wanted to stop in order to stop it.

„Adrenaline.“

He gave you a strange look. He didn’t buy it. „You race against me.“ He put on his helmet again. „If you win I owe you a favor.“

You hurried to make yourself ready and start your bike. „What if I lose?“

„You have a drink with me and answer my questions.“

You were sure those questions wouldn’t be pleasant, but you had far too much to lose to not risk it. Side by side, you stepped up to the finish line. When the flag dropped, you instantly knew you didn’t have a chance. He was way faster. He crossed the finish line and already made his way back to it to wait for you when you arrived.

He took off his helmet again to let you see his satisfied grin.

„You knew I didn’t have a chance!“

„A race is a race.“

The rules were something you couldn’t bend if you didn’t want to lose the position you were in now. „Then let’s go.“

Poe had eyed you the whole time. When you came near him, you wanted to tell him you needed to go, but your competitor shook his head. „He has his own race to win.“

You didn’t want to leave Poe behind. But again, you couldn’t risk the chance you got.

A shabby, old pub near the airport was where he came to a stop. The facade looked like the building could collapse at any second – you didn’t want to, but eventually you followed him inside and were greeted by emptiness. Not even a bartender was behind the counter.

„What’s your name?“ Personally, you couldn’t stand interacting with a person without knowing their name. His name would also be the first valuable information you got.

„Kylo.“ His nonchalance was something you didn’t expect as well. So much of what had happened tonight was unexpected. Still, he was a little hostile and he didn’t hide it. „What do you drink?“

„Same as you.“

He walked around the bar and poured a brown liquid into two glasses. Kylo came around with the drinks and sat on a stool next to yours.

„Before we drink I need to remind you that I am asking the questions and only granted you that one because I can’t decline someone asking for my name.“ He handed you one of the glasses. „And because you know mine I need to know yours.“

_Of course._ „Y/N.“

He nodded and clinked glasses with you.

The first hour was filled with all sort of questions regarding why you were part of the Resistance and why you were riding a bike in the first place. Why you took part in races, again. Who were members of your bike club and why only you and Poe had the guts to race with the Knights.

When he came to the question of why no one had ever heard of the Resistance before One raced you the first time, it got harder for you to answer.

Ackbar had instructed you what to answer – you just didn’t use it because Kylo, for sure, wouldn’t buy it.

„Actually, it’s pretty awesome.“ Kylo had refilled your glasses continually since you sat on those stools. It already showed some effects. „One evening we were sitting together and joked about forming our own bike club because we all came to the bar with our bikes. Next week we did and that’s that.“

Kylo paid close attention and you were sure he had a good sense for the truth. He didn’t let you see past his straight face, so you couldn’t figure out what was really going on inside his mind.

„All the awesome things start when someone is sitting together.“

You couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he tried to tell you something with this.

The whole time you sat with him in that bar… you stared at his face. His arms weren’t the only thing attracting your attention. His eyes. His moles. His scar, that started on his face, ran across his cheek and disappeared under his tank top.

You didn’t look away. How could you? You should, though. There was a lot you shouldn’t have done that night. The intention was to get information but that turned into something else. It completely turned around; and strangely your only incentive now was to learn more about the guy in front of you. And to touch his arms.

The last time you felt that pull was when you had first met your boyfriend. It had been a pub like this one, just a little cleaner and filled with people. It had been your first day being a paramedic. It had been hell. And he had been the most mysterious person you had ever met until then.

Kylo took your glasses and the bottle and placed them in the sink. He gestured you to follow him outside and he put on his helmet when you were at your bikes again.

„I’m gonna be honest, Y/N. I believe none of your answers were true.“

Your heart sank down to your feet and that booze bubble cleared out. Instantly, your hands curled into fists, even though, you wouldn’t have a good chance if you needed to fight him.

„You can make up for it, though.“ You couldn’t see his expression anymore, his helmet covered everything, and there was no chance of seeing through the visor. „Don’t tell your boss and your other cop friends anything about tomorrow night. I don’t think they would like you going on a date with me.“

Your chin dropped. Yep. With your opened mouth you just looked at him. He sat on his bike and revved the engine to life. „Midnight at the airport.“

**/////**

Breakfast with Poe wasn’t an option. You went home directly and crawled into bed. Sleep wasn’t an option either, of course.

Kylo just drove off like that – and you didn’t know what to do now. You wondered what gave it away. Were you that bad as an undercover cop? You had to be. You weren’t trained enough for this special force. You were just a ticket writing cop.

In the early afternoon you gave up on trying to sleep. You called in sick. You made a sunny side up egg. In your underwear. And then a cup of soup. Poe called. You ignored it. You started to read a book to distract yourself. And ended up throwing it into your cushions.

When the sun went down, you glanced at your clock every ten minutes.

Ten minutes till midnight you threw on your black gear and drove off. You hated not knowing how he found out.

He was there. The blinking red lights were prominent, even amid the distance.

His helmet sat on his bike. That wavy hair made you even more nervous. You tried not to get distracted again, but those arms… and then that _face._

„What gave it away?“ It came out far more harsh than planned.

„I know a cop when I see one.“

„Yeah, no bullshit.“ You stepped off and opened your visor. Kylo acting like he was a know-it-all pissed you off. It made your blood boil, yet you still admired his damn face. _Why?_

„An organisation appearing out of nowhere, bikers throughout the city that try so hard to compete in races without making it too obvious. Two bikers, disappearing in the mornings to a diner, eating donuts and drinking milkshakes.“ He leaned a little towards you. „One of them happened to put a ticket for parking violation under my car’s wiper just a few weeks ago.“

„I would’ve remembered you.“ You blurted out right away, paired with an internal face palm. Though, you would’ve remembered him.

„I would’ve told you to take that stupid ticket back if I had the chance to, but you were off faster than I could see. You do a lot of running or what?“

You tended to be faster when you were hungry and wanted to eat, but you wouldn’t tell him that now. „Fine, I’m a cop. What now? Can’t I break the rules for once and have some fun?“

„You mean the laws.“ He started to grin mischievously. „And don’t try to fool me. I know you’re not doing this on your own nor in your free time.“

You couldn’t answer. You failed. Everything and everyone. You would get fired.

„Anyways, we’re having a date. Are you hungry, Y/N?“

„No.“

„Wanna have a drink?“

„Why are you doing this? Shouldn’t you make the First Order beat me up?“

He had the guts to laugh. „I think it’s funny. I never had a date with a cop before.“

„So it’s a joke?“

„No.“ His voice got serious. „I want to know why you’re doing this.“

You crossed your arms. „I have a confidentially obligation.“ This was ridiculous. Why were you still talking to him? You should arrest him. He took part in an illegal race with you, you could… you couldn’t. The race took place on a private property; Hanna City had sold the old airport area. What was held on a private property was harder to bring to court after Chandrila’s law.

„I didn’t ask you to tell me anything about your police mission. I meant your intentions.“

_The accident._ „Adrenaline.“

„Now it’s you who is talking bullshit.“

With each word that had been exchanged he felt more familiar. You couldn’t explain it. You felt that pull again. It was something that just happened and you couldn’t stop it, even though you should. „You’re gonna answer my questions before I will answer that one.“

„On one condition.“ You waited for what his condition was, eventually nodding at him so he would speak. „You ask all your questions – no matter how long that will take. _After_ I heard why you’re doing the races. You can decide what you do with the information, whether you report me or not.“ Why would he think you wouldn’t arrest him? You. Didn’t. Know. „Deal?“

„I’m down.“

**/////**

It took the whole night to discuss your first question. You asked him how he didn’t freeze in his tank top. It turned into a debate about how he shouldn’t drive like this and then into an explanation of why he did. It took him hours. And in the end, he confirmed your first thought: he did it just to put his tattoos and muscles on display. It made you laugh so hard you cried tears because you couldn’t handle his ego.

You met the following night at the airport again, this time way before midnight. You took turns with asking questions and you didn’t mind. Kylo turned out to be such a talkative person, once he unfroze, and it was hilarious. His questions weren’t serious ones. Most times he asked what your favourite cereals were or why cops liked donuts so much. Whereas your questions were deeper. They all built up to his one question about your intentions. But until then, a lot of days passed.

You felt terrible for calling in sick all the time but you didn’t know how to handle the situation otherwise. They would understand once you came back with all the information and you were able to arrest them and make an end to all those horrible accidents.

When you started to meet during daylight hours you finally realised that this turned into more than asking questions – you two had a connection you couldn’t explain. Kylo and you got along so well that you found yourself sitting on your couch with him. You being a cop wasn’t an issue anymore, at least for him. In the back of your mind, you were still walking on rusty nails – where were you supposed to draw the line?

A few days turned into a full week. Poe had been persistent with his calls and eventually you couldn’t continue to tell him everything was alright and you just lied in bed. He was worried, you got that. He was confused and a little pissed because you shut him out completely, and you got that as well. And he had called a minute ago and told you he would be over in a few seconds with donuts and milkshakes.

This totally didn’t fit into your plans.

„Kylo, get up and hide in the bathroom.“ He was sprawled out over your couch and held a bowl of popcorn in his hands. „Poe is coming over. Now.“

He understood and got up. Though, he was as fast as a tired sloth. You pushed him through your apartment and closed the door behind him. Just in time because the knock on your apartment door was unmistakably your best friend.

Poe seemed hectic. He tried to make sure you were alright. He tried to figure out what was wrong. All he found was the popcorn smell in your apartment, and he demanded to eat it of course. As far as you recalled, Kylo took the bowl with him, so you told Poe you had burnt it. Thank God he didn’t check the trash.

He stayed for a milkshake length and then went off again with the promise he would come over tomorrow for noodle soup and the newest updates from Ackbar.

Kylo grinned at you when you opened the bathroom door. He sat on the floor, chewing the popcorn. „It would be easier if we finally got to the question of why you’re doing the races so you could make a decision about me.“ Kylo gestured for you to sit on the bathroom floor as well, so you did.

„Soon.“ You grabbed a handful of popcorn and shoved it in your mouth. „Before I answer – why did I never see you racing on the streets?“

„I don’t do it.“

„Only at the airport?“

He nodded, and moved the popcorn bowl further away from you. You moved closer to him to continue eating and when he flashed this crooked smile, you realised he had played you in order to get closer. You didn’t move back, though.

There had been a few conjectures your brain came up with about why he wouldn’t take part in races on the streets. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you had overlooked something obvious.

„I stopped racing on the streets years ago.“

„Why?“

„Because of an accident.“ Kylo stopped eating the popcorn. He dropped his hand and the remnants fell onto your rug. Guilt. As a cop you had seen a lot of faces; and you had seen a lot of people when they realised they had done something wrong.

„What accident?“

„I crashed with another bike. It was suddenly there and slithered right into me. He died.“

That was it. It was the obvious something you had been oblivious to. Somehow you had known it. His scar had been too familiar. You had seen that scar before – when it was in its first state as a fresh wound. „Almost five years ago on an evening in May? The road that leads to Junari Point?“

He only looked at you. He knew that you knew. And he knew that it was you who had started to save his life and then got the message that the other biker had been your boyfriend.

„You’re not surprised?“

„Not at all.“ You didn’t move away. You stayed close to him. It didn’t make a difference. The puzzle pieces were just forming a picture, making sense of it all, yet his expression still didn’t change. „You feel guilty for what?“

Kylo didn’t respond.

„That he lost control and crashed into you and died?“ It was always hard to say his name. You never could do it. „We all know it had been his brakes. For a long time I wished it wasn’t his brakes but those of the other biker so I could blame someone, but it was no one’s fault.“

„Yeah, but still.“ You knew what he meant. It was hard to accept it, something this extreme.

The space between Kylo and you decreased. It felt like none of you moved when in reality both of you did.

„When did you know it was me?“

His thigh touched yours; you didn’t mind. „I didn’t know for sure – people’s appearances change in five years, but I assumed it. You not only gave me that ticket, but I also saw you five years ago. I’d been at the funeral. I wasn’t sure. That’s why I wanted to know what your real intentions were; why you were doing the races.“

„Do I still need to answer?“ It was the first time you smiled since your conversation took that shitty turn.

„Don’t think so.“ His lips returned your smile.

„There is still a bit missing for me.“

„Is that so?“

_Something_ had changed. Now that it was clear what had connected you right from the beginning, your head allowed your emotions to hit. So they did. It would get you into a lot of trouble, but you were aware of that, and you didn’t care about consequences when it felt _that_ good to just sit next to him.

„You don’t do street races. Why do the other Knights?“

He sighed. „They’re their own people. I can’t tell them what to do and what not.“

„That’s just plain stupid.“

His hand grabbed some popcorn again but he didn’t eat it; he just stared at it. Silence emerged. Someone in an apartment above yours flushed the toilet, that was the only sound surrounding you.

In the next days, you got to know Kylo for being a funny and rather uncomplicated guy. Once he abandoned his reservations, you felt more than just alright with him by your side; Kylo was friendly and sincere. He had a dangerous hobby, and he was a little conceited, but most importantly he was accepting.

„I know. Maybe I am wrong.“ What stood out was that he tried to do the right thing, and therefore was willing to accept his own mistakes. „Until now I thought it wasn’t my duty to tell them what to do but it’s people’s lives they’re threatening. I should make them stop.“

First, you found it ridiculous that Kylo thought you’d have a hard time using the information to take further steps and arrest some of the Knights. Now, it was different. His glance signified he wanted to change something. He wanted to get them off the streets. As a police officer, you couldn’t ignore the fact that they all raced on the streets, except Kylo. But without evidence you couldn’t arrest any of them.

„If they stay away from the streets, if they do it like you – just the airport, maybe they wouldn’t be suspects of further investigations. I could focus on the other bike clubs.“ The primary goal of this mission was to reduce the accidents caused by illegal street races. Most of the accident victims were civilians. It wouldn’t make the airport races less illegal but it would buy Kylo and the Knights some time until the police department would proceed to erase races on private property. You couldn’t believe you were trying to help him.

„Y/N, no.“ Kylo got to his feet and left the bathroom. You grabbed the popcorn bowl and followed him to your kitchen.

All of a sudden his gentle side was gone. His hands clutched onto your kitchen worktop, to prevent himself from exploding or something. All of the softness in his face had turned into harsh disbelief.

„You’re trying to find a solution for something you shouldn’t. It’s not right.“ He got all worked up about the one thing he was sure you would think about once you had finished asking your questions. „Don’t do it, okay?“

„What?“ You couldn’t follow his words anymore.

Kylo let go off the kitchen worktop and turned to grab your arms instead. As soon as his fingers touched your skin he started to calm down and took some deep breaths. „Do whatever you need to do as a cop. We all made our decisions and it’s upon us to bear the consequences.“

„Okay.“ That was actually the best thing he could’ve said. You didn’t know if you could’ve gone through with this all. „And what about… us?“

„Us?“

Maybe what you felt wasn’t mutual – at least that was what his face made you think. Kylo looked completely surprised, as if you had just said that Hanna City wasn’t the capital of Chandrila and Chandrila wasn’t a country on earth and earth was actually a planet in a galaxy far, far away.

When your brain started to prepare you for Kylo’s rejection, the grip on your arms loosened and his fingers moved down to interlock with yours. „We could make it work if you want?“

„I’m down.“

This time the pull you felt was a real one – Kylo’s hands yanked you closer. Your heartbeat accelerated to the point where you thought it would hop out of your chest and into the sink. You hadn’t done this in five years; you didn’t even know if you could still kiss.

Before the carousel of thoughts could pick up speed, you decided to beat him to it. _In three, two, one._

The sensation of his lips on yours, of yours on his, made you smile into the kiss. Those tattooed arms felt way too good under your touch. Kylo let you feel something indescribable, something you thought you would never feel ever again. It actually brought you to tears. You had finally moved on, though, that didn’t mean you would ever stop loving the one you had lost. You just opened your soul and heart again to find a new love – one that didn’t exist out of memories.

„You’re okay?“ His thumb wiped away some of the tears.

„Yeah, you’re just a bad kisser, that’s why I was crying.“

Kylo burst out laughing and wrapped his arms around you. The hug lasted forever – until he grabbed his helmet and told you he’d come back tomorrow morning with breakfast.

His lips touched your temple one last time, then he went out into the hallway.

„Kylo, wait!“ He had his helmet under his arm and had already opened the front door. His head peaked around the corner. „Will you stay the night?“

His lips curled up. „I’m down.“


End file.
